


A thousand times goodnight

by delightfuls



Series: free with you, like with no else [2]
Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M, and when gilbert said tragical romance and all..yeah he meant diana and jerry, rich girl/poor boy excellence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightfuls/pseuds/delightfuls
Summary: “It was foolish of us to think that- that maybe we could-” She grows frustrated trying to put into words everything that was written down for her and her life and dismiss what she actually feels.





	A thousand times goodnight

Diana Barry isn’t a foolish girl. Her mother raised her to know right from wrong. “You are to be a lady when you grow up, my dear Diana. You will honor our family by keeping your head high, and never lowering your eyes for those beneath you.” Her mother would say to her as she tied her hair back with beautiful soft silk ribbons. But everything changed after she met Anne.

Diana opened her heart to the idea of differences and how life should be more than just words, rules, statuses and facts. Anne brought colour to her life that she had yet to know existed. That was the first time Diana thought about life outside of what her lineage expected and what her parents had prepared for her.

While after meeting, Anne, Diana’s heart and mind kept learning new ways of perceiving life, but she thinks that second time she truthfully and honestly opens her heart to the unknown again, is when she meets Jerry.

* * *

They are merely children then, merely exchanging names, and shy glances. 

She doesn’t know yet, how immensely those shy glances will alter her life.

* * *

As they turn 14, Diana is confronted by affection. Not her own but someone else’s. Moody, sweet Moody. She thinks of it. Them, maybe together in a distant future. But it doesn’t last more than a second because her parents would never allow her to marry someone of an inferior class. That mere thought evokes a realization that makes her heart clench, she doesn’t quite know yet.

* * *

While growing up, Diana had the privilege to learn and be witness to much knowledge and innovations. French was essentially taught to her as a luxury, a way of showcasing her parents richness. But she comes to learn that French is more than just a language to add on a growing list of qualities and talents needed for a suitable husband and a high-class status.

In fact, it's a beautiful language, with a variation of dialects. 

The first time she hears it differently and in a context other than books, is when he calls her the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. They’re only 15, he’s much too bold for her taste, but she can’t help but smile shyly at him.

Not long after, at 16, he speaks to her again. “_ T’es trop belle. _.” He says with the most honest tone she’s ever heard, and for a moment she’s struck by the pure adoration in the young boy’s eyes. But only for a moment. 

* * *

Later that day, in bed she realizes why her heart clenched at the thought of not being able to marry, and not even that be seen with someone from an inferior class; because of _ him _. 

* * *

As they grow older, they become closer. Going from sharing shy glances, to brave touches, but nothing too intimate. No one around them have quite noticed, not even Anne. And she intends on keeping it that way. For the sake of her heart and his own. 

But then one day, he tucks a loose strand of her hair, behind her ear, in a public function hosted by Anne and Mary, in honour of Summer. 

Her mother is at this function, her father too. They don’t notice thankfully, but Anne does. Before Anne can walk to her though, she grabs Jerry’s arm and drags him to the front of the party. 

“Jerry why would you do that? In front of all those people? Someone could’ve seen..Anne? My parents, Gilbert? The kids from school? Jerry it’s too risky, I- don’t think..” But before she can finish he supplies her with, “I know..” And starts walking away.

A few moments later, Anne comes to the front and finds her sitting on the steps of the house. Her friend sits next to her quiet at first. “So you and Jerry?” She asks. And Diana nods

She tries to explain to the redhead that it just happened. “I know, she stops a bit to think, but I think it’s beautiful Diana. Before you realized what was going on, you seemed blissful and content, more than I have ever seen you. And nothing makes me happier than seeing my kindred spirit content.” She finishes as she pulls her towards her. 

Diana doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t want to let herself hope.

* * *

It’s late when she’s finally able to pull herself away from the function. She knows this is the last place she should be considering that she always ends up doing something foolish with him. But she enters the barn, and finds him back faced towards her working through hay. “You shouldn’t have.” She states to let her presence be known.

He freezes. “Je sais.” he says.

“We shouldn’t have.” She adds. He turns then, with hurt in eyes. “_ What?” _

“It was foolish of us to think that- that maybe we could-” She grows frustrated trying to put into words everything that was written down for her and her life and dismiss what she actually feels. She grunts. 

She’s pacing back and forth in the barn. The large space dimly lit, by the ongoing sunset. “We can’t do this, we can’t! My family, my mother! They would never ap-“ but before she can continue, he kisses her. One arm pulling her to him. It’s nothing much, a chaste press of shy lips. 

But even if it’s nothing much, Diana feels as if a star had just shattered within her chest. She might not know much about physical contact because_ it is _ improper to engage in anything intimate before marriage, but she does _ know _ that that was an open mouthed kiss, and that she needs more.

He looks at her, his eyes focused and she notices that he’s holding his breath for any signs of reluctance. When he doesn’t find any, he leans in again. This time though he actually kisses her. Her once protesting hand stays suspended in the air, near his face. As she relaxes though, her fingers settle on his shoulder, and make their way slowly up his neck to touch his jaw. She feels him shiver under her touch. It oddly pleases her. And when his mouth opens and she obliges immediately, desperately.

She has no idea what she’s doing but this feels like destiny, as Anne would say. Like she was meant to be here in this moment since the moment she gained life. 

His own hands find themselves cupping her face, as he starts angling her head.

And when his tongue slips in, she knows this _ is it. _

It feels as if they’re the only two people in the world. She feels a part of her become apart of him. Her hands ache for more, she wants to hold him,_ feel his warmth _. She starts to push off his coat. Bless his heart, he gets the message and roughly shakes off the coat, before returning his hands to her face. He momentarily pulls back to look at her, and they see each other for the first time in a different light. The sound of their harsh breathing echoes through the now dark barn. And she can feel his breath on her face. They stay like that, just basking in each other, both of them with thoughts racing on their minds. 

_ You shouldn’t _ **,** her mother’s voice echoed in her head. Her eyes press together as she slowly remembers the goal of this visit. Her hands detangle themselves from his shirt, as she pushes herself away from him. She walks to the opposite end of where he’s standing and crosses her hands behind her back as she presses it against the wall of the barn.

He stays there, looking completely _ ruined. _His shirt rumpled in places where her hands were insistent and his hair a mess. 

After a moment of silence he looks up to find her gaze and lets out her name. “_ Diana,” _

“Je comprends, 

_ I understand _

Je n’aurais pas dû..”

_ I shouldn't have.. _

“I am sorry, you were right. I should have thought about your mother, about your life...” He says as he looks away and starts to pick up his coat. 

_ No you’re wrong, _ she thinks. But he doesn’t seem to understand. Dressing his coat over his arm he gives her a small smile and makes his way out. 

“_ Arrête! _Please stop..” She lets out before she can even comprehend what she’s doing. And he does. 

Slowly he turns to face her, a glint of hope and fear in his eyes. He waits for her to explain herself. She closes her eyes and thinks of all the things she won’t get to do, get to support, get to _ love, _ if she lets her mother and her lineage dictate her life. She thinks all that she has learned from Anne. And she finally looks at him in the eyes. 

“I wasn’t right…” He looks at her quizzically. “What I meant to say is that, I might’ve partially been right, but what I do with my life....Is my business too, my mother should not dictate it.”

“And she certainly cannot dictate the feelings I have. My feelings for you.” She can’t bear to look at him now, so she closes her eyes.

She hears his footsteps approach her, the sound of them echoing in her ears. She feels his hand caress her cheek, slowly. His thumb stroking back and forth. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath, but the second he touches her, she starts breathing again. Her eyes open to find him so close, and something about _ actually _seeing him, this close, makes her heart race even more. He’s beautiful. 

_ “Beloved..” _ He says. 

He can’t possibly think that of her not, _ not _when they’re only 18? He can’t possibly know what the word implies, not when a million things will push to keep them apart?

But he does. All thoughts of the contrary are pushed out her mind when he leans down, and rests his forehead against hers. 

“We will try.” He states. It’s vague and they should probably talk more about the implications of it in the distant future. But for now she settles for pulling him down and kissing him until she can’t breathe anymore.

* * *

And when he kisses her bare shoulder and she kisses his, she _ knows _ that if it is meant to be, it will be and if they are just meant to be a tragic romance, she will spend the rest of her life _without_ him, _adoring_ him.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a piece of the same name by Abel Korszeniowski.
> 
> Je sais=I know.
> 
> And I apologize for nothing, they are so beautifully sad.


End file.
